This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

It's like the Fouth of July in my underpants.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

The truth is we're all probably more creative than we realize, except we spend our lives watching TV or reading somebody else's book. We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.