I've got a great eye for color. I'm like a chick.

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

No, I had not read any other comedian's book. Not that I don't enjoy other comedians; I'm just not a reader.

The very definition of 'beauty' is outside.

Junior colleges are high schools with ashtrays.

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.