I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

I cook a little bit. I make a Hungarian dish called chicken paprikash that's out of this world. I'll give a heads-up to all of your readers that it doesn't have to be between Thai and Mexican every night. Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.

I'd never hurt another person.

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'

This is why the terrorists hate us. And it's not the glitter and it's not the pomp and circumstance. We've got black and white, we've got Hispanic and Asian, we got gay, straight, and Guttenberg, all working together for one common goal: to get the mirror ball. And the mirror ball doesn't care what color you are, and it doesn't care how rich your parents are, and it doesn't care what God you pray to. It's an even wooden floor, and may the best man or woman win. And I say God bless Dancing with the Stars, and God bless the USA.