The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

When Asian people grow up fast they go to college at 13. White people grow up fast it's about fudge packing and triple D's at 13.