[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

It's funny when you're a kid how you can acclimate to almost anything.

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

Welfare is monetary methadone.

If in 1989 I said, 'I have an idea: Bottle water and sell it. And charge more than a beer,' they would have chased me around with a giant butterfly net. The same with paying to watch a television station.

People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.