People are stupid. There's a lot of dumb stuff that's successful.

California is like the hot blond high school chick who's been getting by on her looks, but now she's 45 and falling apart.

I don't burn any calories trying to be masculine; I just happen to be from that world.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

I spoke to my dad, and he said it took close to 90 dollars to raise me. But that was me and my sister, and my sister moved out when she was 16, so sometimes it can knock you up to triple digits to raise a kid.

I don't think I've ever seen pie advertised. That's how you know it's good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts. They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven't seen one pie commercial.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.