I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.

Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

Of course on air I use occasional hyperbole to tell a story.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

The shuttle is the worst $20 you'll ever save. It adds 90 minutes to whatever a Town Car or cab would have been. You have the unenviable choice between being dropped off last or being dropped off first and having a bunch of losers who can't afford cab fare and have no friends or loved ones with cars knowing exactly where you live.