If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

I am not a good cue card reader.

I'm like John Q. Public. I represent what every guy wants and needs.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.