If you've driven over to the gay section of Los Angeles, it's like a golf course... Real estate values go 'boom!'

I don’t have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody.

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

If you are tuning in just for the show, you're going to be sorely disappointed.

Honestly, I've always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed - that kind of stuff.

I'm a comedian, not a politician.

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.