If you're conservative in Hollywood, you're on a list of people who need to be put in their place.

People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.

When I'm in power, here's how I'm gonna put the country back on its feet. I'm going to put sterilizing agents in the following products: Sunny Delight, Mountain Dew, and Thick-Crust Pizza. Only the 'tardiest of the 'tards like the thick crust.

You don't realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It's a card you get so you can navigate society.

I didn't have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.

My first car was a motorcycle.

If Joy Behar or Sherri Shepherd was a dude, they'd be off TV. They're not funny enough for dudes. What if Roseanne Barr was a dude? Think we'd know who she was?