I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

That's the thing I love about sports: sports force you to quit. You can't pursue your dream till you're 46. When it comes to acting, writing, comedy, nobody ever stops you.

You don't cruise the Internet looking for your name and walk away with a good feeling. So, I never do it.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

I think if you create something and you get an audience for it, then the monetization part is really secondary.

When I fart my ass makes a trumpet sound that heralds the arrival of the smell.