I'm harmless. I don't have any ill will or ill thought towards anybody. When people know you're that way, you can say stuff that the creepy guy at your office could never get away with.

It should be like a salmon taking to open water. I've done so much morning radio that I won't be overwhelmed by it, but it's still going to be a challenge.

I like my parents but they are just not good parents. They are nice enough people. I'm not interested in hurting their feelings.

Well, guys are better at mechanical stuff and women are better at emotional stuff.

When I say things that sound insane, like only the smartest million people should have the right to vote, well, I mean that.

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, "Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome."

To make something, you have to work within your abilities. Honestly assess what you can do and even more important, what can't you do.