I don't like those men who claim that their wife is their best friend. . . . I think spouses should tolerate each other and occasionally have sex.

My motto is "more mystery, less history".

You shouldn't be eating anything that takes six minutes to microwave.

All TV is, is really: 'Don't you want to be this, aren't you glad you're not that.' There's nothing really in the middle.

[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

People look at me, and they go, 'You're white, you're smart, you must have went to college. You must have grown up with money.'