The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.

Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

Should women be on any pills besides birth control? We should just give them all sugar pills for everything, they're so suggestible.

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.

I don't like soccer. I think it makes you soft. And by the way, you telling me it's the biggest whatever in the World, look, they drink tea everywhere too; they're pussies, you understand? I want some coffee.

I give women two types of orgasms. Fake and none.

When you're doing a radio show, you can express yourself.