Millions of guys play millions of basketball games every day of the week at the playground or the YMCA. But LeBron James gets $20 million a year because he can jam on all of those guys. We're always going to want to see LeBron and Kobe go at it.

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

Everyone in Hollywood thinks like a Republican fiscally by leaving town to shoot everything; they just don't vote that way.

All's the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.

There are certain things women are better at than men.

What we used to settle with common sense or a fist, we settle with hand sanitizer and lawyers.

There's no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I'm a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.