Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

I like the freedom of podcasting. With podcasting you can really mess around with the form and the format. You can do as much time as you like without having to pause for commercials.

You should feel good about yourself because of your accomplishments. Not because somebody yelled at you to feel good about yourself.

He doesn't sound like a guy who's done a onesome, let alone a threesome.

When you're picking a basketball team, you'll take the brother over the guy with the yarmulke. Why? Because you're playing the odds.

Everyone keeps saying, "Oh my God, oh my God, how intimidating." It's like saying, "How could you date Jennifer Aniston after she's been with Brad Pitt?" I don't care.