Wearing Crocs is like getting blown by a dude. It feels great until you look down and realize you're gay.

Chicks named Tammy have a greater chance of actually driving a Mercedes than a chick named Mercedes.

Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.

My life is about building and working and wrenching on some cars.

Having sex without a condom is like riding a roller coaster with diarrhea. You can't just throw your hands up and enjoy it.

I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.

I used to be a Democrat, now I'm basically a Republican.