If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

I won't eat in a place that has suits of armor.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.