If you want to read about love and marriage, you've got to buy two separate books.

If you keep yourself alive and current, funny is funny.

I'm only... I'm only unhappy when the reviews are bad, but give me a good review and I'm a... I'm just screaming all over the place with joy.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

My mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.