If you stop and think about it, nearly all great humor is at the expense of someone or something.

I was a high school throw-out.

Milton took vaudeville, which, if you look up 'vaudeville' in the dictionary, right alongside of it, it says 'Milton Berle' - and he made it just a tremendous party.

Banks have a new image. Now you have 'a friend,' your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Comedy is an amazing calling. Once you get that first laugh, it's hard to turn away. Then, of course, you're hooked and you have to learn how to survive in the business.

My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.