Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.

When I read Dickens for the first time, I thought he was Jewish, because he wrote about oppression and bigotry, all the things that my father talked about.

Ed Sullivan brought me to TV first in 1952, then Garry Moore's program gave me a lot of confidence and freedom.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!