As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

When I get up in the morning, I have to decide what I'm going to have for dinner or I can't get through the day.

My mother kept the house clean and we ate good. I didn't know we were poor until I started giving interviews.

I made it, Ma - Carnegie Hall. And I didn't have to practice.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn't know fluffy. Everything sank.