As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

I had a sympathetic role in 'thirtysomething,' and in two weeks I'm going to do the role again. But in the movies, I just love the heavies. It's much more fun. Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

That's the great thing about New Year's, you get to be a year older. For me, that wasn't such a joke, because my birthday was always around this time. When I was a kid, my father used to tell me that everybody was celebrating my birthday. That's what the trees are all about.

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.