My favorite way to spend Saturday is in and out of bed, watching sports on TV and eating.
My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'
One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.
The world is full of little dictators trying to run your life.
We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.