I was a high school throw-out.

Larry David finds a way to make jokes about the Holocaust. It would never have occurred to me. And it was funny.

The other day my house caught fire. My lawyer said, "Shouldn't be a problem. What kind of coverage do you have?" I said, "Fire and theft." The lawyer frowned. "Uh oh. Wrong kind. Should be fire OR theft."

I don't mind being 65, but nobody is gonna tell me to come in at 5:30 to have the early bird special.

And humor has always been a weapon. You want to get even on somebody? You want to attack somebody? Make fun of them.

My son says I never tell stories about anyone who's living.

Let's face it: It's difficult enough to be funny without worrying about what is going to offend whom.