My father helped me leave. He said, 'It's all out there, it's not here.'

As life's pleasures go, food is second only to sex. Except for salami and eggs. Now that's better than sex, but only if the salami is thickly sliced.

We get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.

My brother is the youngest member of the College of Physicians and Surgeons. And I wouldn't let him cut my nails.

It's not easy being a father, but I've been allowed a comeback.

A summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat!

There's nobody to believe in anymore, nobody to trust.