One thing I've never said in my whole life is, 'Let's have dinner at a Japanese restaurant.'
Alan KingWe get the worrywart, the hypochondriac, the money-grubbing miser, the intractable negotiator... Some would say certain of these refer to the stereotypical, or 'stage' Jew. But objectively speaking, the only crime in humor is an unfunny joke.
Alan KingMy mother's sister was killed in a trolley car accident, so I was raised as one of eight with my sister and six male cousins.
Alan KingWhen I was in the hospital they gave me apple juice every morning, even after I told them I didn't like it. I had to get even. One morning, I poured the apple juice into the specimen tube. The nurse held it up and said, 'It's a little cloudy.' I took the tube from her and said, 'Let me run it through again,' and drank it. The nurse fainted.
Alan King