My specialty is detached malevolence.

[Remark about Calvin Coolidge she says was erroneously attributed to her:] I do wish he did not look as if he had been weaned on a pickle.

You can't make souffle rise twice.

Never trust a man who combs his hair straight from his left armpit.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.

You can't make a souffle rise twice.