If you can't say something nice about someone, come and sit right here next to me.

My specialty is detached malevolence.

I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches.

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.

If you can't think of anything nice to say, come sit here beside me.

I valued my independence from an early age and was always something of a individualist … Well, a show-off anyway.

[On Washington, D.C.:] a town of successful men and the women they married before they were successful.