If you can't say something nice about someone, come and sit right here next to me.

I live by three rules: I eat when I'm hungry, sleep when I'm tired and scratch when I itch.

If you can't say something nice about someone, come and sit right here next to me.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

... [woman suffrage] has made little difference beyond doubling the number of voters. There is no woman's vote as such. They divide up just about as men do.

You can't make souffle rise twice.

My father always wanted to be the corpse at every funeral, the bride at every wedding and the baby at every christening.