A less popular name for the Second Person of that delectable newspaper Trinity, the Roomer, the Bedder, and the Mealer.

VANITY, n. The tribute of a fool to the worth of the nearest ass.

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

Economy, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

The place whereon the priest formerly raveled out the small intestine of the sacrificial victim for purposes of divination and cooked its flesh for the gods. The word is now seldom used, except with reference to the sacrifice of their liberty and peace by a male and a female fool.

LEGACY, n. A gift from one who is legging it out of this vale of tears.

War: A by-product of the arts of peace.