PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

ART, n. This word has no definition. Its origin is related by the ingenious Father Gassalasca Jape as "One day a wag - what would the wretch be at? Shifted a letter of the cipher RAT, And said it was a god's name! . . ."

TZETZE (or TSETSE) FLY, n. An African insect ("Glossina morsitans") whose bite is commonly regarded as nature's most efficacious remedy for insomnia, though some patients prefer that of the American novelist ("Mendax interminabilis").

Hurry n: The dispatch of bunglers.

Bigamy, n. A mistake in taste for which the wisdom of the future will adjudge a punishment called trigamy.

PRESIDE, v. To guide the action of a deliberative body to a desirable result. In Journalese, to perform upon a musical instrument; as, "He presided at the piccolo."

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.