PRIVATE, n. A military gentleman with a field-marshal's baton in his knapsack and an impediment in his hope.

UGLINESS, n. A gift of the gods to certain women, entailing virtue without humility.

ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

Immoral: Inexpedient. Whatever in the long run and with regard to the greater number of instances men find to be generally inexpedient comes to be considered wrong, wicked, immoral. If mans notions of right and wrong have any other basis than this of expediency; if they originated, or could have originated, in any other way; if actions have in themselves a moral character apart from and nowise dependent on, their consequences-then all philosophy is a lie and reason a disorder of the mind.

Accordion, n. An instrument in harmony with the sentiments of an assassin.

Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affairs for private advantage.

USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that will live as long as the fashion.