ORTHOGRAPHY, n. The science of spelling by the eye instead of the ear.

Distance, n. The only thing that the rich are willing for the poor to call theirs and keep.

REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

One who, professing virtues that he does not respect, secures the advantage of seeming to be what he despises.

Bride: A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

PHRENOLOGY, n. The science of picking the pocket through the scalp. It consists in locating and exploiting the organ that one is a dupe with.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.