Genealogy, n. An account of one's descent from a man who did not particularly care to trace his own.

Quill: An instrument of torture yielded by a goose and commonly weilded by as ass.

Academe, n.: An ancient school where morality and philosophy were taught. Academy, n.: A modern school where football is taught.

Bacchus, n.: A convenient deity invented by the ancients as an excuse for getting drunk.

A book which the Mohammedans foolishly believe to have been written by divine inspiration, but which Christians know to be a wicked imposture, contradictory to the Holy Scriptures.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.