TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

I think that I think, therefore I think that I am.

As a means of dispensing formulated ignorance our boasted public school system is not without merit; it spreads out education sufficiently thin to give everyone enough to make him a more competent fool than he would have been without it.

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others.

An egotist is a person of low taste - more interested in himself than in me.

Absence blots people out. We really have no absent friends.