REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.

Consult: To seek approval for a course of action already decided upon.

RAILROAD, n. The chief of many mechanical devices enabling us to get away from where we are to where we are no better off. For this purpose the railroad is held in highest favor by the optimist, for it permits him to make the transit with great expedition.

Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

GUILLOTINE, n. A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

PHYSICIAN, n. One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.