Die: To stop sinning suddenly.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic

Patriotism, n. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name. In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit it is the first.

Potable, n. Suitable for drinking. Water is said to be potable; indeed, some declare it our natural beverage, although even they find it palatable only when suffering from the recurrent disorder known as thirst, for which it is a medicine.

Telephone, n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.