An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.

An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

Clarinet n. An instrument of torture operated by a person with cotton in his ears. There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.

PIRACY, n. Commerce without its folly-swaddles, just as God made it.

DEJEUNER, n. The breakfast of an American who has been in Paris. Variously pronounced.

RETRIBUTION, n. A rain of fire-and-brimstone that falls alike upon the just and such of the unjust as have not procured shelter by evicting them.