REASON, v.i. To weight probabilities in the scales of desire.

PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.

An auctioneer is a man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Age - That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no longer the vigor to commit.

HEART, n. Figuratively, this useful organ is said to be the seat of emotions and sentiments . . . . It is now known that sentiments and emotions reside in the stomach, being evolved from food by chemical action of the gastric fluid.

Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking the honorable obscurity of public office.

Immigrant: An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.