PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.

PANTALOONS, n. A nether habiliment of the adult civilized male. The garment is tubular and unprovided with hinges at the points of flexion. Supposed to have been invented by a humorist. Called trousers by the enlightened and pants by the unworthy.

Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the world's worship.

He laughs best who laughs least.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

Duty - that which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.

An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins.