Christian, n.: one who believes that the New Testament is a divinely inspired book admirably suited to the spiritual needs of his neighbor.

Dictionary: a malevolent literary device for cramping the growth of a language and making it hard and inelastic

FINANCE, n. The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.

Respectability, n. The offspring of a liaison between a bald head and a bank account.

Ambidextrous, adj.: Able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.

MOUTH, n. In man, the gateway to the soul; in woman, the outlet of the heart.

PESSIMISM- philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile.