Rhubarb: essence of stomach ache.

LOGOMACHY, n. A war in which the weapons are words and the wounds punctures in the swim-bladder of self-esteem - a kind of contest in which, the vanquished being unconscious of defeat, the victor is denied the reward of success.

There are two instruments worse than a clarinet - two clarinets.

Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table.

Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

INJUSTICE, n. A burden which of all those that we load upon others and carry ourselves is lightest in the hands and heaviest upon the back.

Education, n.: That which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understanding.