More men than women like 'Strangers With Candy'. Pretty girls don't like the show. They don't like to see an ugly lady.

I like to be around entertaining people. Even if they're bored, and you're in a convalescent home, there's something entertaining about that, in a way.

I’ve named everything that I’ve ever owned. Real or inanimate, I have to give it a first and last name. Everything in my apartment comes alive at night.

Exercise your imagination muscle! How many uses can you come up with for a flowerpot? Write down your answers. But don't write them in this book. Grab a separate sheet of paper. I didn't spend two and a half weeks writing a book just so you could mark up the pages with your silly ideas for things you can do with a flowerpot. When it comes down to it, what's wrong with a flowerpot not being a flowerpot? Why is nothing ever good enough for you?

I choose to do unattractive people, because then I can pretend they think they're attractive.

I swear I want to be a food model.

Gay guys know how to craft, and they craft really well. Straight guys, forget it.