As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

The Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.

Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

Remember, no matter how hard your life is right now, it would be worse if a song by Chicago was playing.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.