We invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy BorowitzNHPrimary Trivia: The Republican candidates have not spoken to a black person since Herman Cain dropped out.
Andy BorowitzLet's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
Andy BorowitzSarah Palin has decided not to run for President and go straight to the quitting part.
Andy Borowitz