Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

It only cost Mitt Romney $76.6 million to defeat a serial adulterer and a mental patient in a sweater vest.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

Thanks to Facebook, I never forget the birthdays of people I don't really know.

Every week Republicans are excited about a new candidate because the one they liked last week turned out to be a moron.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.