Let's withdraw from Afghanistan and have the army invade America - that's the only way we'll get new schools and roads.
Andy BorowitzJohn Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy BorowitzThe Republicans suddenly are very concerned about people losing their health coverage! I would believe that they were worried about our well-being if a) they didn't cut food stamps; and b) they didn't oppose every law regulating guns.
Andy Borowitz