Now that we all agree contraception is a bad idea, let's take a harder look at electricity and soap.
Andy BorowitzThe hardest thing about life is that every now and then you have to do things so you have something to tweet about.
Andy BorowitzJohn Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.
Andy BorowitzWe invaded Afghanistan to find bin Laden. We found him in Pakistan, and we're still in Afghanistan. We need better GPS.
Andy Borowitz