George Lopez does so much mugging, I'm surprised he's not up on charges.
Some of my inventions didn't take off. I invented a url lengthener.
Maybe Bill Maher should just practice his monologue a few times before the show, so he wouldn't find it so hilarious. But I kid the asshole.
The saddest day in Pixar history was when some guy said 'get Larry the Cable Guy on the phone.
I was recently voted best standup never to win a major.
I watched Anderson Cooper 360 for a year before I realized that the second hour was a repeat of the first. I just thought his reporting seemed familiar.