I don't think there's anything Craig Ferguson could say that would make me laugh. Ad-libbing is not the same as entertainment.

Dave Rath is recovering. A month ago he had hip pocket replacement surgery.

Ever since I've switched to the clean syringes, I've never felt better in my entire life.

I have no sympathy for the people who went to Charlie Sheen's show and were disappointed. That didn't seem very organized! That guy's all over the map!

Pixar has announced Larry the Cable Guy will be starring in Cars 3 thru 6. Howie Mandel will be playing his sidekick, Mopey the Moped.

Now we have two choices in life: have sex with the same person forever or risk a terminal disease. Either way, your life is over.

Entertainment Weekly said that Parks and Rec is the smartest comedy on tv. Call me when it's the funniest.