Larry the Cable Guy has signed a deal with Cracker Barrel. Not the store. He signed a deal with a barrel full of angry rednecks.

Jewish people, we don't need the money. We're doctors and lawyers. It's the Christians who can't hold a steady job and have to go on TV and ask for money.

I believe at the end of my career I'll be retired into the recurring character hall of fame.

There's a lot of controversy online, some people say i'm a genius and other say i'm hugely talented.

Whenever I watch the beginning of Jimmy Fallon, I feel like I should sue the Roots for bait and switch.

CNN has a thing called You Choose the News. Y'know what CNN? I'm turning you on because I don't know the news. I was hoping you could help me.

I'm sorry and ashamed to report that I'm not actually a Jew. I was pretending to be a Jew to minimize the holocaust.