Uh, yeah, this is the VD clinic calling. Speaking of being positive, your test is back. Stop sharing the love.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

The only thing that really bugs me about television's coverage is those damn women they have down on the sidelines who don't know what the hell they're talking about. I mean, I'm not a sexist person, but a woman has no business being down there trying to make some comment about a football game.

In the futile attempts we all make to tidy up our lives and our surroundings, nothing is more difficult than throwing out a book.

I've learned .... That when you harbor bitterness, happiness will dock elsewhere.

The dullest Olympic sport is curling, whatever 'curling' means.

I've learned... that we should be glad God doesn't give us everything we ask for.