Women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

The federal government has sponsored research that has produced a tomato that is perfect in every respect, except that you can't eat it. We should make every effort to make sure this disease, often referred to as 'progress', doesn't spread.

By the time they're ready to be thrown away, most shoes are thoroughly comfortable

A great many people do not have the right to their own opinion because they don't know what they are talking about.

I dislike loud-mouthed patriots who suggest they like our country more than I do. Some people's idea of patriotism is hating other countries.

As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book.