We're all proud of making little mistakes. It gives us the feeling we don't make any big ones.

Happiness depends more on how life strikes you than on what happens.

Obscenities... I think a lot of dumb people do it because they can't think of what they want to say and they're frustrated. A lot of smart people do it to pretend they aren't very smart - want to be just one of the boys.

Men wake up aroused in the morning. We can't help it. We just wake up and we want you. And the women are thinking, "How can he want me the way I look in the morning?" It's because we can't see you. We have no blood anywhere near our optic nerve.

You're better off missing a bus or an airplane once in a while than you are getting there too early all the time.

I had one typewriter for 50 years, but I have bought seven computers in six years. I suppose that's why Bill Gates is rich, and Underwood is out of business.

I don't differentiate much, except in degree, between people who believe in religion from those who believe in astrology, magic or the supernatural.