I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you.

Some people who hated Americans set out to kill a lot of us and they succeeded [on 9/11]....We're trying to protect ourselves with more weapons. We have to do it, I guess, but it might be better if we figured out how to behave as a nation in a way that wouldn't make so many people in the world want to kill us.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

If you get murdered because you go on a date with someone you met on the Internet, you probably deserved it.

The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians.

It's best to give advice in only two circumstances; when it's requested, and when it's a life threatening situation.

Once you pass forty, a dime isn't worth bending over to pick up if you drop one.