No one ever writes a book in which he is the bad guy.

Love is more pleasant once you get out of your twenties. It doesn't hurt all the time.

Democrats believe people are basically good but must be saved from themselves by the government. Republicans believe people are basically bad but they'll be okay if they're left alone.

Don't take a butcher's advice on how to cook meat. If he knew, he'd be a chef.

I didn't get old on purpose, it just happened. If you're lucky, it could happen to you.

The only thing that really bugs me about television's coverage is those damn women they have down on the sidelines who don't know what the hell they're talking about. I mean, I'm not a sexist person, but a woman has no business being down there trying to make some comment about a football game.

I've learned... That when you're in love, it shows.